I have one grievance.

Comment

Comment by AJ on October 28, 2012 at 8:37am

I remember that thread!  That's a good, albeit extreme, example.  I haven't quite seen that level of animosity in a thread here since.  NVC all the time always except in situations of self-defense.  And like for the purpose of overthrowing oppressive systems.  I suppose it's necessary then, too ;)

Comment by Peter Csere on October 28, 2012 at 2:00am

I remember a time when there was a big hub-bub in the comments thread of one of Kristina Carillo-Bucaram's videos because she included garlic in the recipe. 

One the one hand, we have people saying "It's just a little bit... It's just a transitional recipe... Come ON guys." 
On the other hand, one thing that makes this website so productive is the rules, and it's pretty clear in the rules - no garlic. 

Hopefully we can all see merits in different approaches, and understand why emotions get so high sometimes... Non-violent communication teaches us to communicate based on needs and when we can find needs that are shared with others, empathy is generated rather than anger. If there's one thing 30BaD could always use more of, it's NVC. 

Comment by AJ on October 28, 2012 at 1:29am

Absolutely!  That's why I love 30BaD so much, I do not know another forum where I have so much in common with everyone.  I guess that's why it's funny to me when I see someone freak out over a root vegetable or single clove of garlic.  But you're right, arguments are bound to arise in any group.  I just don't like them!  Who reasonably does?

Comment by Jon Fergus on October 27, 2012 at 3:55am

Hi AJ. I understand. I think overall we just need to be realistic in our expectations of others. "Human nature" (at least how it currently presents itself) is going to produce argumentative attitudes in some; our passions being stirred up (as veganism can do!), we're also likely to see strong opinions (however accurate or inaccurate), and realistically speaking, we're all humans, not saints, so a fair amount of drama is to be expected. ;)

We're also a website composed of people living on the borderlands of 'normal society', of people trying (sometimes desperately) to change nearly every facet of our lives, so tensions can be high, attitudes can be volatile. A lot of members have a lot invested (psychologically, emotionally, socially, physically, etc.) in this lifestyle, so defensiveness can easily arise.

We all desire utopia, but we're just not quite there yet (though vegans are heading in the right direction, imho). In the meantime, we'll continue to see people treating each other poorly, and all we can do is create our best utopias within ourselves and then bring that to the people we interact with.

All in all, 30BaD is still one of the most friendly, supportive and productive forums on the internet, so koodos to all who make that possible! :D

Comment by Kati Sharp on October 27, 2012 at 2:29am

I can relate!

Comment by AJ on October 27, 2012 at 2:16am

Hey hey, thanks for the responses!  I wasn't talking about anything I'd experienced personally or had directed towards me, I've managed to avoid the drama.  I just find myself reading through discussions often where two people disagree, and it quickly becomes a vicious back and forth, often with others getting involved.  I've seen a lot of members be very curt and dismissive, even provocative in their tone.  I definitely love this site and agree that there is far more good than bad, but it's something I'd noticed enough that I wanted to comment on it.

Comment by PK on October 23, 2012 at 9:52am

Hello AJ, 

I hope by the time you read this that you are feeling better.  If something has gone wrong somewhere and we missed it, you can PM me or another PK and we can see what is up.  

Personally, 

One thing that has helped me in the forum is to focus on topics that I am very knowledgeable about and that way I know where to find references for things if needed and or can argue my way around the topic.  

There are a few topics that I would love to discuss more with people so that I can learn myself, but some topics are too PC incorrect or too hot to handle and those with less emotional IQs or an axe to grind about the topic (or about me) will make that difficult.  I have kind of learned my 30BaD boundaries and save those sensitive topics for my flesh and blood trusted friends;-D

Peace, PK

Comment by Jon Fergus on October 22, 2012 at 8:23am

One thing to keep an eye on are the kinds of discussions we draw ourselves to. I mean, there's a vast array of discussions on 30BaD and it is possible to inadvertently drawn ourselves only to the handful of discussions full of drama, but it's also possible to draw ourselves mostly to those that do have a lot of support happening (and there are lot of those).

I know for myself I've gone through short periods where I seem to end up in a few too many drama discussions, but longer times where I end up finding my way to all kinds of amazing discussions full of incredible support. There will always be discussions that get a teensy bit nasty, and there will always be strong opinions on certain subjects (this is the interwebs after all ;). But, if we can put the majority of our energy into the positive, uplifting, supportive discussions, then not only will we tend to draw ourselves to them more, but the site itself benefits from having the higher vibe discussions supported by more energy than the not-as-nice ones. And when we do come across a bit of nastiness, we can choose to either add our energy to it, or counter it with compassion, support, etc..

So... all we can really do is determine where we're going to direct our energy. Remember that the vibe of the site is member-driven and always has been. It's up to each of us to set the tone. :) We can let the 'drama' drown us out or discourage us, or we can rise above it so that those ones get relegated to the dust heap of ignored discussions ;)