First entry, six months lfrv

I have thought about doing this for a while- if 30 BaD is going to provide me the forum to blog about fruit, I ought to take it- that's been my thinking, but for some reason, I have stayed away. I think blogging about my fruit journey would be good for accountability- to be able to use objectivity to see more clearly when choices in my life lead to choices in my food and vice-versa. It seems so easy to follow this lifestyle- I think i read where it is simple but not easy. I don't eat cooked food and haven't in over three years, but I still struggle with it for some reason. It seems to me like the way raw food was first introduced to me- that if you leave the door to cooked food open just 1%, it is worlds worse than just closing the door would be. I am attracted to cooked food, still, and struggle with this. I don't understand it as I quit drinking four and a half years ago after a lengthy and unhealthy drinking habit, so I know how to really and truly quit something. I have no interest at all in drinking or alcohol. There isn't any cooked food in my system, so I am not dealing with cravings. I just had such an unhealthy relationship with food for so long that just because I have changed the outward behaviors, I don't think I dealt with the internal ones entirely. Last week, my husband and I celebrated two years of marriage and what did I buy myself to eat in order to celebrate? Carrots and guacamole. I haven't eaten carrots since going 811. Not raw guac, either, the prepackaged guac they sell at the store. It has trace amounts of vinegar- I guess I can't really claim that I have no cooked food in my system, then! But the point is, I am still rewarding myself with food. I lost 80 lbs over three years of going raw, most notably when I quit olive oil and avocados- I dropped 20 lbs in a few months. But I have reached a plateau and am left with a body that is exactly what I wanted- much, much smaller. But I am still overweight. I know if I started working out more diligently, things would change. Sometimes, I think that things changed so fast, recently, going from 150 lbs to 129 lbs and being at a weight I haven't seen in 20 years, that I need to take it easy on myself. I think about Freelee saying that it took her years for her body to normalize, weight wise. I assume I will, one day, look back at this blog post and laugh at how obsessed with weight I was. I don't want to be, but it bothers me. Again, I try to follow Freelee's advice and focus on other things. Important things, and I do. But when it comes to my fruity, fruity lifestyle and writing about it, this is where I am. I am glad I did this- I figure that if I am the only one who reads this and if I could've done the same thing in a journal, this feels right. To be putting it "down on paper" so to speak. I am struggling with some things and am hoping that by giving myself this forum, I will grow from where I am, grow more into who I am! :)