Alright, so I remember 5-6 years back, I told myself I won't be doing such rash and "stupid" things.
But instead, I did so many of them already.
I was a child, struggling to keep myself feeling pure. I felt like I was being tainted and conditioned so much. I resisted so hard.
I was also haunted by so much self-doubt, conditioned into me, yet I fought it hard like you wont believe.
I had the key I need, to be "home" again. To be 811, to be fruitarian, to be at whatever raw stage I wanna be.
But nooo...I had to be "curious."
And while facing self-doubt? I got injured in the process, and that injury sure got me realizing how lethal I am, despite the whole "you're too skenny" BS people occasionally spout.
(Yes, then came the self-reflection of what affinity I have with being Vietnamese, and the realization of my lethal might, also being inherited somewhere in the bloodline, and it has nothing to do with dead animals being consumed. For what I did excelled many of those who also did crazy things) =)
Alright, ok, so I'm just another immature and naive youth. So I wished I moved our EARLIER before the injury, and I would of gotten myself together.
So living day by day for the last 2.5 years. My biggest mistake was not moving out IMMEDIATELY when I had the chance. Perhaps I got caught up in my OTHER curiosities from video gaming to reading too much. And being caught up in friends' err...drama. At the same time, thinking I would move to NZ without having any bloody clue how the "system" works when dealing with passports and paperwork. What must I say? My mind is that those of a child still.
Ah...I did too many "rash" things.
Did too many things that are "irreversible," unless I somehow alter "time."
Ah regardless....at least I did NOT indulge in alcohol, or get into an "unstable" relationship (and SO GLAD I don't have a child with a partner who is "incompatible" with me).
Curiosities....curiosities....fun. Mix that with the time back when facing heavy self doubt, and trying to figure out the mysteries of life and "what to do whence solemnly committing one's duty to something"...........you get a chaotic mess with too much contemplation.
So I am slowly sorting it all out. I think I got it all sorted out now.
Only ordeal right now is a certain physical condition..that would of been easily healed if I were not so rash. HAH!
I got no time for regrets.
I write this blog post.......
Because......I'm sure there are many other youth who are uncertain.
There's no need to be.
Just be you and walk on without regret. If there is regret...just don't stop in your tracks.