The purpose of life - not to get somewhere, but to enjoy the ride. Having lived life to “getting through” things created misery at most times ,told myself someday I would feel happy. Forced to accept non enjoyable jobs, to date people who didn’t meet my need for respect, maintaining friendships with people un-enjoyable because of thinking doing this, benefits would exist down the line. The problem was, “down the line” never happened.
Never feeling joy because of doing things that didn't give pleasure. Realizing one one day that if not starting to enjoy life now, I may never. Today seems what you have.
Consider what can get done to enjoy life.
By do something that you enjoy today, realize nothing more precious than this moment.