I haven't written in a very long time, but life has changed dramatically.
I feel that before I was running away. My whole life, since the day I left the house, has been a run. My family has lived with a member who abuses alcohol since before the day I was born. For the longest time, I thought that I could escape it. Children of alcoholic parents often become perfectionists in their own lives in order to compensate for the shortcomings of their loved one. This is something I have done ever since I realized that I could not change that person. Instead, I invested all of my time and energy into improving myself. This was often to lengths that would perhaps be described as extreme.
I am not realizing that I do not have to be perfect. Although I have goals and dreams for myself, based on what I believe is the right way to live for a better planet and world in general, I accept my faults and the fact that I am "not there" right now. This relates to being raw in the sense that we may not "be there" right now, and we may not even know where we are going. But we know we are going in a direction that our hearts tell us is best.
Dealing with addictive people in one's life can cause a lot of guilt and frustration, but I believe that it has lead me to where I am now, which I am very grateful for. I am now learning how to live in the world as a person who is not like others. I eat, drink, a live my life in a very different way from the masses, and don't always blend in very well. But I have made the decision not to run, because from what I now know, you never can escape it. When you love someone and they are abusing some kind of drug, they are forever attached to you. When running doesn't work, we now learn to accept.
We learn to accept what we cannot change and we learn to change the things we can. We find the wisdom to do so by realizing the difference between the two.
I hope this can help anyone dealing with this in their lives.