Day 11 and Day 12 - Just Hell

Hi there !

The last two days have been hell, barely breathing, feeling like crap and no sleep seems to be able to fix it.

My emotions are just a hell, I feel irritable and upset for nearly anything and it is the worst time in my whole life.

I never thought I would write that but this is truly the worst time in my whole life and god knows I had to cope truckloads of **** already.

i am supposed to expect my period, my breast enlarged and is painful, my mood is a volcano of crap, I barely identify myself, I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT BAD IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

All the meditation and prayers are doing absolutely nothing, i could kill half of the world and still not feel relieved from it.

This is truly the worst time of my life.

I can't figure out how i am going to make it to work and do all I have an not screw up my career by being so sick. i have been taking medication, drinking, eating fruits and veggies and smoothies and nothing helps. It is getting worse, just worse.

Yesterday my partner tried to talk to me and I went crazy, I just LOST THE PLOT. I have put on weight too and I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I have the worst cravings ever in my whole life for junk food.

Anywhere I look is just crap and I am starting to seriously question this lifestyle.

I need to breath. I need to be able to stay ten minutes without coughing myself to death.

There is nothing right in here, nothing at all and it is seriously getting to my brain too.

God help me now !!!

I don't want to be a monster anymore !

Catherine

Tags: breathing, coughing, death, monster, sickness

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Comment by KKG on June 28, 2012 at 10:56am: I went through the exact same thing! The mood, horrible headaches, bloating, constipation, depression, irritability, loss of concentration.. all of it. Horrible. I understand it!

BUT DON"T GIVE UP! There is a life waiting for you that you have never dreamed of. I promise. It's been 5 months for me and I'm on top of the world. But, yes, the first 30-60 days were hell. Just get through it. It's worth it. I promise!

Comment by Windlord on June 28, 2012 at 9:42am: I'm sorry your dealing with such a challenging time, Catherine. i wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I hope that just a touch of encouragement may brighten your day even a little.

You're clearly processing through some very uncomfortable things right now, physically and emotionally. If I may validate you, it's ok! I'm sure it feels never-ending this minute, but I trust that one day you'll look back at this time as one of great personal growth. Please be gentle with yourself; take this time to nourish yourself. Consider emphasis on rest, hydration, simple eating, and external quiet. Are there places where you've felt more at peace in the past? Perhaps the woods, the ocean, a lake, a mountain?

And please stay in touch with us, Catherine. That's one of the strengths of our group here. Visibly, we may just be ones and zero's on a screen, but behind that know that we've got your back!

Comment by evergreen on June 28, 2012 at 9:04am: Hugs!

Comment by Melissa Marks aka Mama Orangutan on June 28, 2012 at 7:29am: Oh, Catherine...I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I'm so sorry that you are feeling so badly. Try to remember that even though you feel horrible now, you will not feel horrible forever. Do you live close to any rivers or streams or even the ocean? If so, can you go to one of them and just walk or sit by the water? Something about water helps me to recharge/refresh/rejuvenate.

I hope you feel better soon!