Its time to get real.
As of today October 1, 2012 I am committing myself to a 100% raw lifestyle. Since a year ago I have been trying to be a raw vegan and always submit to food cravings. Last winter it was my mother’s delicious savory vegan soups that would knock me off the bandwagon. Lately, since joining the 80/10/10 lifestyle it has been cooked rice, pasta, and potatoes…even vegan sushi. My diet has been an obsession of mine since I was in junior high school. I have been overweight since I was in 4th grade, and I’ve never been very athletic. I played volleyball and did hip-hop and cheer in high school, but I was never very fast or strong. In 8th grade I lost 20 lbs. doing the Atkins diet, so huge amounts of beef, hot dogs, and Splenda got me skinny, while wrecking my insides. I could never stick to a diet and was usually between 130-150 lbs. throughout my high school and freshman year of college. It was almost 3 years ago at age 19 when I Googled “why should I be a vegetarian” for a speech, and watched the Meet your Meat documentary. I freaked out. No one had ever in my life tried to tell me that meat was bad or even made me think about the animal suffering going on behind the scenes. I cried myself to sleep and went vegan overnight. Of course I wasn’t a perfect vegan, occasionally eating something with dairy or eggs in it, but never have I since eaten meat. I was probably close to 160 lbs. when I made the transition, and I was a junk food vegan for the first few months. I read the book Skinny Bitch, which helped me realize that my favorites- smoking and coffee- were super bad for me and became my vegan Bible for a while. Then in January 2011 I read The Kind Life by Alicia Silverstone. This replaced Skinny Bitch and I was attempting to eat more whole foods. So, I lost maybe 5lbs eating super hero stir-fries, quinoa, miso soups, seaweed, umeboshi plums, and lots of weird foods. I honestly didn’t feel better eating those foods and I was still 150 lbs. In March 2011, I decided to take HCG drops. My mom had lost close to 50 lbs. using them, so I thought wow this looks like it works. It definitely served its purpose, but I think I really starved my body. I was eating 500 calories a day of cooked apple with cinnamon, a small salad with fat free dressing, and a fake soy burger with some mustard and drinking hot tea with lemon. My favorite part was loading though, where for the two days before you start the drops you binge on high fat food. I could definitely binge. I lost 30 lbs. after 2 rounds of starving with no exercise and this was where I was a year ago. I still wasn’t happy with my body though. I watched the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead which inspired me to try a juice fast and go raw for a while, plus it was time to get skinny for my Halloween costumes. I did a 10 day juice fast followed by 3 weeks of being completely raw. This wasn’t a healthy raw though, I ate a lot of raw nuts and snacks from Whole food and salads with that awful Braggs s*** on it. I usually would start the day off with fruit, but not very much. I went through a lot of detox, which included colds and coughing for weeks. Every morning for over a month I coughed up phlegm. I guess being around second hand smoke and picking up the habit in college for a year did a toll on my lungs. I got down to 124lbs for Halloween, and then of course the next two months struggled with staying raw over thanksgiving and Christmas. I gained back 10 lbs. and decided to do another round of HCG for New Year’s, but to also stay raw and fast while taking the drops. I think I got back down to 125 after that month, and I pretty much have kept the weight off since by trying to stay raw and discovering DurianRider’s videos and the 80/10/10 diet in March. I bought Doug Grahams book and I’ve religiously watched DR and Freelee’s videos and researched everything on 30BAD. I may not say much on the site, but I’m on there every day reading and learning. For the most part I do so well on the diet, and then I just have those days where I’m like foaming at the mouth for a cooked savory meal and I cave, or I order $30 dollars of sushi and have it delivered. I haven’t lost any weight, probably gained, since I was basically anorexic for the year prior (other than those times I binged on taco bell burritos). My body is probably so confused and learning to adjust/healing from the abuse. I just moved to Florida a month ago to help with staying warm in the winter and getting my vitamin D levels up, but the people I’m surrounded by love to eat out for every meal, and sometimes I’m tempted. My favorite restaurant ever is Tijuana Flats…they have amazing black bean tacos…and I’ve been there like 10 times since moving here, and half of those times I said no my body doesn’t like this food so I get a smoothie next door, but the other half I’m like F*** ya bring on the tacos. I also forgot to mention my struggle with alcohol this whole time. Alcohol is terrible to me, but I keep going back. I’m definitely a binge drinker. Not like every day, but every few weeks I’m like YA let’s get f***ed up lets go party! And then I drink, do something stupid, get really sick, and decide I’m never drinking again. Like, in January this year when I was doing the raw thing, I hadn’t had alcohol all month when I drove 2 hours to visit a high school friend and my best friend, had too many drinks and decided the bar was stupid and wanted to drive 2 hours home. I didn’t even make it to the highway before I got pulled over and got a DUI. I was out $2,000 bucks, had to rely on my parents to drive me everywhere, now I’m stranded in Florida relying on my roommate to drive me places, and I’m on probation. Eeek better hope my probation officer isn't a raw vegan creeping on me. Two nights ago I thought it would be fun to duct tape forties to my hands (Edward 40 hands) with my roommate and drink those before we went out. I made it out for 5 minutes before I wanted to go home because I felt sick. I puked all night and the next morning. My roommate wanted me to go to lunch where I puked in the bathroom and then smashed on French fries and pop because that is honest to god the best hangover food…but I realize that I would have never eaten fatty bad foods if I hadn’t been binge drinking. I guess sometimes I just feel the need to break my boring routine and do something crazy. It’s never as fun as I imagine in my mind, and I’m sick of the way it makes me feel and act. I just wish I had friends that could have sober fun, do athletic activities with me, and help keep me on the healthy path. Honestly I am ready to be the next Freelee. I have put so much money and effort into being a high carb raw vegan the past 5 months, but I just waste it when I binge on cooked foods and alcohol. I want a thin strong body. Not the bloated icky body I get after eating 8 potatoes or 8 beers. I think for me I’m going to have to go 100% for a long long time before I kick the cravings and get the body I desire, but I’m ready to be the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life. My roomie isn’t going to like me not drinking or eating out, but that should be the least of my worries. I live my life for me, not her. It’s going to be a journey and I think I might blog about it daily for a while just to keep motivated, I mean I don’t care if anyone reads my ranting, I just want to feel like if others could possible see how I’m doing I would feel the pressure to stay on track. If that makes any sense. But, today went really smoothly. I had 3 big banana meals, biked to the grocery store to get bananas (where the cashier was totally freaked out by my purchase of 30 bananas and water ha), did all of my homework, timed myself running a 500m twice, and I stayed hydrated. The only thing I have to complain about is that it stormed when I wanted to layout ha. Now time for bed, so I can get up bright and early and go for a long bike ride. Follow your bliss. -GG