Regret

I had a great 13 1/2 day stretch on the 30 day challenge. I'm sure because of getting not enough carbs today and perhaps slightly less carbs than I needed the previous days, I total caved and ate thai food and then ate bread when I came home. Not only that, but I basically demanded that my husband bring me there. I enjoyed it in the moment, but now I feel like total ####. Physically bad, yes, but emotionally even worse. I completely 100% regret it it and at this moment just want to cry. I'm really angry at myself for not following through as well and not using the tools I have to ride out/eliminate a craving, I was doing so well.

The mission for me right now is to get right back on track. I don't have a choice, I feel horrible and I don't want to feel this way.

Physically, my stomach hurts, I'm awake at 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm not surprised, but I'm amazed at how my emotions changed almost immediately. Not sure if it's from the food itself or just because I feel bad about my actions. Either way, I don't like feeling this way and I know it will only get worse if i don't jump back on the wagon.

This shows me how clearly how cooked food is addictive, not because I think I will continue and not stop, but because it makes me feel so crappy inside. I suppose I just need to forgive myself and move on.

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Comment by Amelia on July 13, 2012 at 3:02pm: Jon Fergus. Don't know if I am doing the link right, but at least this will give you search terms. The date was April 17, 2012.

http://www.30bananasaday.com/forum/topics/debunking-the-concept-of-...

Comment by Celia C (Ana) on July 12, 2012 at 6:05am: Just wanted to add that the analogy I wrote below was actually from another 30bader, so sadly I cant take any of the credit. Cant remember who is was though!

Comment by Banana Dude on July 11, 2012 at 5:29pm: Thanks for sharing Jeanie, I have been on a rollercoaster for about 9 months, but I came from a pretty unhealthy diet, a lot people I have read about here were vehetarian before 80 10 10 it seems.I cant help but be thankful for the advice to make sure you eat enough.I have found that if I dont get most of my calories in by mid afternoon, I'm thinking about other food;)

Comment by rawcelt on July 11, 2012 at 3:52pm: Celia, where have you been? that's a great insight and very helpful to be reminded of.

Thanks so much.

Comment by Celia C (Ana) on July 11, 2012 at 3:38am: You´re being really hard on yourself! I read once here that having a slip up on raw food shouldn´t mean you start again. Imagine you´re climbing a mountain if you fall or slip, yes you may take longer in climbing the mountain but doesn´t mean you have to climb down and start again!

This happens to everyone, learning through errors is the best way to learn I think.

Comment by Claire Cathrin on July 10, 2012 at 1:54pm: Don't be so hard on yourself. Being raw vegan is the healthiest way to go but if it was the only solution to life then no one would live very long. My point is don't kill yourself over breaking your diet now and again. Live! We literally only do live once! I love being vegan, but if I break it now and again, it's not the end of the world. Food can be art! It's fun to explore like any talent. Enjoy the times even when you mess up.

Comment by Motoman on July 10, 2012 at 1:51pm: Try not to stress too much. It's all part of the journey, in the BIG picture.

Just get back in the saddle, the horse doesn't give a cra_!.

Comment by Jeanie Cig on July 10, 2012 at 1:36pm: lol- this is top content right now. Must be a slow day at 30DAD :P

I used to scoff about the "eat more fruit" response when people complained about emotional eating. But yesterday was the clearest example of how it is sooo true. I could have totally avoided the whole situation if I had just prepared a datorade to take with me.

Also, things really roll right off your back when you eat enough fruit. (It also helps that I am off from work from the summer- so I know stress plays a role in one's ability to make good decisions about what goes in one's body.) But my previous knee jerk reactions to "stressful stimuli" has really reduced, as well as anxiety and feeling down.

I think I have come to realize that "abstinence" is best. It has taken a two-year bumpy ride down this road to truly accept that however. Really I must take it "one day at a time" and sometimes one moment at a time. More than three decades of using cooked food to medicate, stimulate or otherwise not use as fuel for my body has to slowly unwind itself and I believe that is happening now.

Thank you for all the responses and support.

Comment by Amelia on July 10, 2012 at 1:26pm: Jeanie, be kind to yourself. If your child made a poor decision in the moment and suffered the consequences, would you be angry with her? I think you would sympathize and hug her and tell her she'll do better next time. Treat yourself as well as you would treat your child.

Comment by rawcelt on July 10, 2012 at 12:05pm: Hi Jeannie

I can relate. Yesterday was not a good day for me. Cooked pumpkin, potatoes, even cooked chips! I feel quite 'liverish' this morning. So it shows how toxic those things are.

The good news is that I am motivated now to be 100% raw for the first time. Let's support each other.