PLEASE HELP TERRIFIED OF EATING!!!!

Hi all thanks for being here!!!

I need some helpfull advice and I need it fast please!!

im 811 for quite a while now/few months strictly but recoverying (attemting to) from anorexia/bullimia/ED etc

so been undereating alot!!!

I posted about deciding to eat a week or two ago and I have been attempting to increase calories but keep getting stuck for a few reasons.

1) Getting enough ripe fruit at the super market- im in england and have difficulty purchasing ripe fruit- also difficulty buying in quantity larger than a little because of worries of wastage etc

2) being overfaced by quantities

3) struggles with health/pain- I feel a lot of pain in my body when eating cirtain things and I am still working out what they are etc.

A- bananas- they are a huge culprit im sure, which leads me to starch, which makes me frightened of eating, ANYTHING!!!

I have to eat them when they have caramalised inside and feel soft on the outside before pealing I think, basically the skin is black before I will peel it.

but now im worried about fermentation!!

and buying anymore to ripen incase it turns out I cant have them at all and then- lots of wastage!!!!

Also my uncle (i am staying with family at pressent as was declinig in health and well being on my own) is upset when food is wasted, I have had to hide!!! things in the compost to avoid being berated or feeling to blame for his upset also eaten some stuff past its best to keep him happy really and suffered for it, physically and emotionally!!

back to bananas- COST- they are a more readilly available and affordable fruit anywhere.

I dont know what to eat,

I feel raelly restricted because 1a)I dont like, enjoy many fruits/ food in general

2a) i have had many pain and digestive simptoms from eating the more commonly available fruits sutch as;

apples,

pears,

bannana,

peaches,

apricots

the list goes on

oh- citrus too

so restrictions a pleanty or so it seems im afraid, unfortunately.

im experimenting with mellons, persimons, bananas and berries at the moment and will try apples again a bit soon but frightened,

some of the symptoms include,

costipation/diarea, heart burn (imensley so), bloating, odd sensations in hips and stomache, itchy/pricklyskin- feels hot and cold at the same time, difficult to explain. odd sensations in arms, hands, legs and feet like having a turniquay somewhere constricting flow I think hard for me to explain sensations really vast and varying like nothing i can liken them too, soory, whish i could. but one of the majour fear factors involved are the pains in my knees and legs, muscles and joints, like a restrictive burning, squeezing or aching sensation feels like my feel are filling with something hands ache and have a mirriad of sensations this often comes whith the itchy/prikily heat kind a skin feeling especially the knwws and backs of the legs. this occured after eating some under ripe bananas even though the skin was almost BLACK!!!!

i dont ger it!? STARCH? ASTRINGENCY? whats going on, is it my liver struggling? any advice please?

3a) How to tell if the produc?e- bananas and other fruit is perfectly ripe. for me, as it seems to need to be really well done!! without spoiling- again.

4a)how much to buy for a week and how offten to do it? im attempting to go up to 1500 cals a day at the moment, hitting bellow that though because of the psychological/emotional/obssesive complications of the disease.

as well as the above mentioned issues.

So what can I do tho improve the situation?

Any ideas?- please please HELP!!!!

much apreciated!!!

PLA

PS anyone relate to this?, the pain stuff mainly, any recovering anorexics who can hlelp?

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Comment by Greenmama on May 24, 2012 at 11:07am: Thank you for responding. You can always send me a personal message later if you think of any questions or want to say anything. Blessings to you also.

Comment by pink lady Apple on May 24, 2012 at 7:42am: im not sure what to answer to you yet green mamma, but thank you for your reply, blessings pla

Comment by pink lady Apple on May 24, 2012 at 7:41am: thanks kimber,

yes i did frozen fruit for a while, but i foubd it tasted a bit bitter (mangoes and peaches) or under ripe those plus berries.

so went off them for a while. I am reconsidering it. just ordered lots of fresh stuff. hope i can eat it all.

I am eating my greens, thats the only thing that seems to be consistent in my diet, lots of them, I blend them in smoothies/soups or on thier own, I like them so much at times. I find my digestion copes better with them that way, and most stuff up to now.I alo use them as a natural ant-acid when I get heartburn, works a treat!

Comment by Kimber on May 24, 2012 at 6:10am: Hi Pink,

Is it possible for you to buy frozen berries an other frozen fruits? I know fresh is best but frozen is better than nothing and if it will help increase your food intake I think it would be worth while. Frozen berries and other fruit like mango is always frozen at peak ripeness and you would not have to worry about spoilage since you would be able to eat it at your own pace. Most places sell berries in bulk, especially if you have a food wholesaler in your city. Perhaps mix the berries / mango with the banana, having the berries/ mango with the higher ratio until you feel more comfortable eating more bananas. Oh and don't forget about your greens!!! Minerals are important to help you feel satiated. You can use blended berries or mango as a dressing and it's delicious. I hope this helps. :o)

Comment by Greenmama on May 24, 2012 at 1:57am: Trying to do this all on your own power doesn't really work... I suggest putting your trust in something greater than yourself and asking for guidance. Then spend quiet time and listen for the answers. Also, listen and follow the suggestions that others have.

I suffer from disordered eating, too. One of the main issues that we have that keeps us from recovery... we don't listen and allow ourselves to be taught. We listen to the fears in our heads and the beliefs we have about this or that, most of which don't even make sense.

Your bananas should smell sweet and delicious, not green and starchy, or alcoholic and sour. Smell is the easiest way to tell. If you take one bite of a banana and it doesn't taste right, spit it out. Are you just feeling terrified because you are so longing to trust your instincts and make choices that will support healing and happiness?

All of your physical symptoms could very well be from not eating enough for long periods of time. Your stomach shrinks and loses elasticity and then has difficulty digesting. Honestly, your long list of foods you can't eat sounds like a way for the restriction mindset (your disease) to sneak in. Eat whatever you want, just make sure you are eating at least 2500 calories of it every day. Even if it means feeling stuffed and uncomfortable at first. Even if you gain weight.

There is an eating disorders recovery group on this site.

Comment by pink lady Apple on May 24, 2012 at 1:46am: bless you lucia, thank you.

how do you feel about the weight gain, are you happy about it?

Comment by Lucia on May 24, 2012 at 1:34am: Gah I'm on the opposite end. Was ED but gaining sizes crazy quick and eating like 3500 cals from fruit a day :\ was 53kg and would say i'm now around 68 since eating lfrv. My mum worries i won't eat enough, buys like 5 boxes of bananas and then I feel obliged to eat it all because i hate wasting. I wish I could teleport you some!