Those in a non-811 relationship

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Permalink Reply by Robin-Ivy on June 11, 2009 at 1:57am

Hi Ben, I am so glad you brought this up. I don't know a soul who is raw except for those I find online and none live nearby! So it is a bit of a worry for me that I have finally found what may be the perfect nutritional way for me but will struggle to eat out socially. I have overcome this in the past by having friends over and making raw meals (although high fat) that I know everyone will enjoy. My boyfriend worries as he feels I should have at tiny bit of protein from a meat source once in a while. Otherwise he is happy to eat my way as I do the food making and he finds the food really tasty. The social aspect does worry him for example his mother's birthday meal on Sunday will be a traditional English Sunday dinner with beef, yourkshire puds, gravy and what ever else and I will be eating lettuce! I am on day 2 of raw although on & off raw for a while now and it is my hope that I look and feel so healthy that no one questions why I don't eat like them but rather why they don't eat like me xxx

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Permalink Reply by Ben on June 11, 2009 at 1:59am

Does he know specifically how you eat? Or just that you prefer fruits and vegetables?

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Permalink Reply by Robin-Ivy on June 11, 2009 at 2:32am

He knows that I won't be eating any cooked food or meat. We talk every day about what I have had to eat as I am so excited by the diet and he likes to hear about my food intake as I have a little tummy prob. He is just happy for anything that helps me get healthy. But... it's early days on the raw low fat diet (ha ha day 2!). I did the raw high fat and this left me feeling crap and drained which he wasn’t impressed with.
We are planting a big garden this weekend which should help things along as he will have more interest in tasting the fruits (& veg) of his labour!

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Permalink Reply by Via on June 11, 2009 at 2:05am

With love and patience. Slowly, but surely, as your loved ones see you thrive more and more they will accept you as you accept yourself. They might even follow your lead.

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Permalink Reply by C. Dove on June 11, 2009 at 2:43am

I hope you can work through it...things started to change in my former marriage when I went vegan. I truly think that was the turning point. My fiance converted to a plant-based diet two years ago and is very happy and healthy. I am very excited that my soulmate and I share the same diet.

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Permalink Reply by Kelly on June 11, 2009 at 2:52am

Why is she upset? Do you know her exact reasons? Maybe you can help her work through them. The diet you are taking on is extreme (for want of a better word). For me because I built up my fruit intake I don't and have never seen it as extreme but to an outsider or someone who isn't accustomed to it I can only imagine how "weird" it must seem when they see me eating 10 bananas or that I have boxes of bananas stacked up in my living room. To have a partner like that may take some time to adjust in my head if I don't understand why they would do that.

I know it took a little while for my boyfriend to mourn the loss of us going out for a meal etc in the same way. Food is so much part of our society - we use it to celebrate, to mourn and to socialise so it can extremely difficult to let go of.

I dislike the fact that our life is pretty much wrapped up around food - its been very difficult for me to let go of childhood memories attached to food. I find it difficult when people want to give my son "childhood favourites" because I remember my childhood with those foods and how I loved them. It is very difficult because it is seen as depriving a child of their childhood in a way if that makes sense.

I think it comes down to realising that its only food...which is what I keep telling myself. Although I know it is not as simple as that it does help me realign the situation into a clear perspective of things.

Listening to each other and making your concerns voiced and what you can do to overcome these is the only way you can work through it. Just try to understand why this might be so difficult for her - ask her, go through everything she is feeling and discover how to make her feel ok and not so scared of it I guess.

Hope my ramblings help...I know its difficult. I do wish I had some real life raw foodie friends. Soon!

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Permalink Reply by Twitch on June 11, 2009 at 3:04am

I am fortunate to have a wife who is fully supportive of my dietary changes...mostly because I've been really unhealthy for a long time and the changes she sees in me are very dramatic.

That aside, I'd say try to find out why she's concerned.
Is she concerned that you'll try and force her to do something she doesn't want to do with her diet?
Is she concerned that you both will be teased and mocked when you're out with friends, or that you'll start shunning the people you are friends with now because they don't eat the way you do?
Is she concerned about the impact your lifestyle/eating choices will impact your budget (if you share one)?
Is she concerned that you will become unhealthy because you're not fitting into the mainstream understanding of healthy diet?
Maybe it's something else...

Figure out exactly what it is that has her concerned and then address that as honestly and openly as possible. More than likely you guys will be able to work through whatever it is that she is bothered by and you'll be able to move forward in a really positive way.

One example I do have to share is my mother, who is a trained nutritionist, was worried about protein. Once I was clear that her concern was about me getting enough protein I made her a promise that I would research and be on the look out for signs of protein deficiency. I encouraged her to look for those signs in me as well and let me know if she saw them. This was a really great way to make her feel better, give her some sense of control/input into the situation, and switched the focus from the "hear and now" to a later date to allow time for her to feel more comfortable. Time to allow her to see the positive health effects in place. To see that I can eat this way and thrive, not be deficient in any way.

Good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Adam on June 11, 2009 at 6:18am

How is it a problem to her that you want to remove grains?

People will always try and kid themselves that other peoples business is their own business, whether youre in a relationship or not. Its not. Your dietary choices have no actual direct impact on another person. The only problems that arise are the ones they create in their mind.

If I were in your shoes, I would thank her for her concern, and encourage her rather than to judge my decisions (eg "taking it too far"), to get curious about howcome Ive chosen to make that decision. If she is truly interested in your wellbeing, as opposed to her own emotional reassurance that she is doing the right thing, she will want to know howcome.

Take care

Adam x

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Permalink Reply by ashly on June 11, 2009 at 6:36am

I am married to a meat eating, refined sugar loving, man...and I love him very much..although he eats foods that I find triggering to myself I can only be an example..and be strong..:)

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Permalink Reply by Bliss on June 11, 2009 at 6:38am

Wow, I broke up with my ex because he refused to go vegan even after he saw all the factory farming videos. For me, it's a question of heart. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel that much.

I honestly have no idea how to deal with your girlfriend except to try to understand what she really needs, help her understand what you really need and try to work through it. I think it's a little ridiculous that she wants to diss you without finding out why you do what you do. Explain that to her,
"I would like to feel understood by you", you'll come up with the best way to approach it.

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Permalink Reply by Utopia on June 11, 2009 at 6:42am

We respect each other.

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Permalink Reply by Bart M on June 11, 2009 at 7:02am

just tell her "i'll only do it for a couple of weeks" and then after a week or so, start saying to her "wow! I feel so good!, I'm glad I tried this experiment! I have never before felt so energetic and alive, I think I'm gonna stretch this non-grain experiment another couple of weeks". You may or may not be stretching the truth, but how is she gonna persuade you to go back to eating grain after hearing that?

This of course is kinda sly and maybe a bit manipulative, so it's up to you if you wanna go down that road. This has worked pretty well for me with my parents.

And yes, my GF is totally SAD, but I've proven to her over and over again that I'm an intelligent guy and all my actions can be backed up with water-tight logical argument, and so she trusts me. (And she's a loving, supportive, and wonderful woman).

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