This is a story of hope not sadness or pity that I would like to share
For 37 years of my life I lived in utter darkness, I can not remember a day that my heart was not bleeding, that I did not feel sorrow or negativity with a constant feeling of wishing for my life to end. Like a specter constantly around me squeezing almost every last drop of life I had. When I looked for rest, almost every night was filled with nightmares of unimaginable images of pain, fear and horror. I lived in a perpetual sadness, I rarely cried because I did not know what it was like to be truly happy. I did have moments of fun and great experiences but everything was undermined by this never ending feeling of despair. My spirit aged extremely rapidly and I spent much of my time in deep thought alone.
Very early on I had to decide whether to end things or not and was challenged with this many times along the way but every time something deep inside me would not allow it. I also could not because of the people around me, my spirit would not allow me to cause them harm, so I decided to live though I felt almost dead on the inside. I did not pity myself because I saw so much pain greater then mine and when I could help I often bore more sadness that others could not burden since my sadness seem to have no boundaries.
Every day was like getting beat down and the next getting back up for one more round, everything was a struggle.
Though I still made a life for myself, married a wonderful woman and had two beautiful children. I had everything to be happy but could not. Though I would love, laugh and smile I was robbed of practically every moment due to this underlying feeling which tainted everything. Knowing that I could never fully appreciate my kids or wife pained me the most, like a dagger stuck permanently in my heart. I knew I would have to mask this feeling from them until my very last breath.
This was life till about 2 years ago when it all changed in just a matter of days.
My journey towards health started 5 years ago as I started to wake up and began to educate myself getting out of the cycle of being a victim. Funny enough it had nothing to do with the feeling I had that robbed me of so much, it was other health issues such as inflamed hip, SI joint and knee, insomnia, poor energy that started my quest for health. I was falling apart, for 8 years before I could not sleep on my right side and near the end I could not sit down for more then 10 minutes without pain nor could I walk only a couple of blocks without my hips being inflamed (this was going on for years).
I thought this was due lots of sports, but now know that it had to do with the poor diet (typical diet) and horrible insomnia due to the poor diet.
I was tired of going from one physio to another and started to search for solutions. I started taking out the worst culprits refined sugars, processed foods, ate less meat and ate more veggies and greens but very little progress was made. I studied and read and listen to everything I could for close to 2 years on diets, health and healing practices and incorporated various supplements and super foods again to not much success. I spent about 2-3 hours a day absorbing info I had a job that allowed me to listen to things while I worked.
Something inside me was driving me, a feeling so strong that wanted to come out, this was same feeling that kept me alive all those years, the same feeling that got me back up day in and day out. Each bit of info, each story brought me further till I finally came across Dr Grahams work. Everything was so logical I looked at so many of the diets (primal, blood type etc) before but there was always something that did not ring true to me and failed in logic.
I dove in and the results were miraculous in 3 days I went from sleeping 2-3 hours of sleep to 7-8 hours on either side, all inflammation from my body was gone, I could sit as long as I wanted or run or do anything without any feeling of pain.
but that was not the miracle.
I started to realize that the feeling that was driving me to fight tooth and nail, to do whatever it takes finally was free and the hell I was imprisoned in finally was broken. I was finally free in just several days of eating what I should have all along and it only took a banana or 2 .....okay or 30 ( ;) that was for you DR)
Now close 2 years later I have not seen the specter return only on occasion I have cheated on the diet, sometimes with beans or such. I truly feel like the man in the iron mask and that the true twin is now in control and the evil one is in the dungeon and as long as I eat this way he will remain there. I would gladly trade just one day for how I now feel for a whole life of how I was living. I feel much older then I am now as a consequence for being in such despair for so long, I could easily die now and be happy but I still have too much to live for.
Now my heart beams when my son gives me a smile or my daughter picks me a flower or I embrace my wife. Now I can cry because I can feel happiness, yes there is much to live for
It is funny to think that I know so much more now that would make me feel sad with the state of the world, the suffering of so many beings on it, and the utter devastation that is taking place and the blatant disgrace that is being caused by humans, we have truly lost our way. But I am happy, I lived my life in to much darkness not to feel blessed (though at times seeing so much madness gets me down, not for long though :), part of me wants to let things fall as they may and live as easily as possible but the other part knows of the utter importance to help others and continue to fight for only then will I truly be free.
The spirit that has seen me through will not allow me to rest and it is only by coming together and helping each other can we have true salvation
If it was not for all of you sharing what you know, I would not be here sharing my story which
I made this a discussion instead of a blog for those who wanted to ask me questions.
May you all find happiness on your journey and never give up on your true spirit. If you stumble my hand is there and when I stumble I hope yours will be there in return :).
My Brother is schizophrenic, my grandfather committed suicide, one of my best friends committed suicide due to a mental illness at 18. My mother has been bi polar all her life, My dad suffered from extreme anxiety and insomnia. I bet most family histories are quite similar with either mental or health problems, your true spirit is there trying to break free. Don't give up, if you get knocked down get back up and find your way.
The body is meant to be vibrant and happy. If you are doing the diet and still feel down look into other reasons, Not doing it right, B12 or some other deficiency possibly iodine, Vitamin D, toxin Avoidance, possibly look at fasting,
Neat. And you say you healed all this by eating raw, even the mind stuff? Eating this way sure puts a lot of things into perspective, but you'll most likely gotta work on top of that.
Wow, Mickey! I am sooo touched by your story! This is nothing short of AMAZING!! You are a huge inspiration for me and have held my hand while when we found out about my daughter's epilepsy. You story comes at a really good time for me : I am weaning off antidepressants (the last step left to consider myself 811) and I have fears but lots of confidence that thanks to this diet, all will be OK. The weaning part might be tough, but I will stick to the program, sleep and cry as needed, and stay strong. Thanks so much for the inspiration, Mickey! And congratulations on your wonderful success!!
I hope it goes well for getting off the antidepressants. Make sure to keep the fruit calories up. For me the negative feelings was something I was eating in my diet that was affecting my mind.
it seems not to be uncommon that people have a hard time breaking down unnatural proteins (like gluten, cassien etc). Even If i eat beans I start to get the negative feelings back.
Take a look at what charlotte gerson says
there is a lot of good info in that link
You might to want to also look at your vitamin D level this can also affect depression.
All the best
How is it going with your daughter, did you try lowering the fat and do the 80 10 10 ratios?
Very interesting about the proteins (even beans, wow!). I will watch this video tonight.
I get tons of vitamin D (we have been in Costa Rica since november: good bye Quebec winter!).
I was able to keep my daughter on 80/10/10 only 3-4 days and she had much more absences, unfortunately... She was really craving more fat, so I listened to her body... I do not believe in forcing my diet on anybody... even my children. She is naturally moving towards a more 80/10/10 diet most days (but she has more absences when she does...).
To bad she did not have good results with the trial, I hope one day you will find the key you are definitely on the good path
I think it was 2 fold not eating the stuff that was causing it and eating this way.
I am sure if I water fasted I would have had the same results. Look at the link I gave to Catherine about schizophrenics, that how when they water fasted their thoughts went away.
The body is always trying for optimal health, it is what we start throwing into it that messes it up. Doing this diet you only add what we are meant for and supports are health. Definitely the fruits and veggies hydrated me gave me the nutrition and alkalinity I needed to quickly get rid of most of the acidity in my body which was causing the inflammation. The nutrition I got allowed my body to finally rest and none of these foods harm my mind and give it the necessary support to be healthy.
More work, we always need to continue to work on ourselves to improve as a person, but far as it comes to being happy the work I need to do is to help others and to keep practicing the healthy habits to keep me happy :)
The person I was 2.25 years ago and the person I call myself today could very well be two very different peeps!
I understand and you articulated this very well, and I am happy for you.
The diet It definitely allows you to reach your full potential. If everyone ate this way we would have a much better planet :)
This is an absolutely amazing story. The first half reminds me of my brother. I don't think he is in as dark of place as you were. But he has an anxiety OCD problem mixed with depression that he has had ever since he started on the meds when we were kids. He is 27 now and doesn't have any friends. He is still socially awkward and mumbles alot when talks. But its easy to see how hard he tries to be like everyone else but is somehow held back emotionally and psychologically. I want to help him because I see the fun-loving energetic kid still in him somewhere. He is interested in my diet on an intellectual level but he also gets anxious when making any big changes in his life. Any tips on how to get through to him?
The key is to begin educating him if he is open. Showing him stories like this and Victoria's and a bunch of others to show how food affects the brain.
Arnold's videos are great there are a ton more testimonies there.
Show him the experts talk about the different affects. There are more if you would like
The key is he has to be open, but don't give up show him the importance keep on searching for the piece of info that will click in his mind. I will give you a response that I received from Don Bennet for my brother (who has schizophrenia) who I am working hard to getting him to change and he is very close now due to the information I have been giving him.
As to your brother, you can let him know that many people with all sorts of mental illnesses have been helped to the point of not having the illness anymore (meaning no symptoms without having to take meds). What does it take? They simply live in accordance with their biological imperatives. When they eat what they're designed to eat (and this includes tropical fruits specifically), and they are appropriately active and get enough sleep and D and B12, etc. they are fine. It is when they do not live appropriately for their design that their inborn biological weakness is allowed to manifest (which is why he should read all the chapters, and not just the one about diet). And this is the same scenario that happens to everyone who develops any kind of illness: mental, cardiovascular, cancer, arthritis, etc. Everyone has inborn genetic weaknesses; weaknesses we are born with. If we live as we were designed to live, we'd most probably go to our graves never knowing about our weakness. But our modern society has hundreds, if not thousands of ways to live not as we were designed to live, so it's no wonder that almost everyone is dying prematurely from diseases of lifestyle... diseases that are preventable. But because the things that allow us to live not as intended make hundreds of billions of dollars, we do not hear about this correlation. Oh, we get little hints of it, like we should be eating "more fruits and vegetable". But the fact is, we should be eating only fruits and vegetables, because that's what we are designed to eat.
So it's up to your brother to decide what he wants for his life. No one can convince him to switch his diet; only he can convince himself. All you can do is share the information, and make a case for doing it."
Once he is ready to make the change you got to support him through it show him all the tricks and tips that it takes to be successful.
Best of luck
Maybe if you could show him the logic of starting his day with a fresh raw fruit breakfast for easy digestion and a high energy start to his day he could have a positive raw food experience. After that my experience has been that as the body gets used to having some raw food it begins to want more raw food and the transition happens naturally over time.
Love these stories of restoration, Mikey.
Your hands have already strengthened so many of us here.