30 Bananas a Day!

Hey everyone!

I'd like to share my story and where I'm at today. Please bear with me.

I've been on this lifestyle for pretty exactly 3 years now. The first year was completely raw, the second had some cooked and this year I've been eating a lot of cooked. I never thought I could easily say that I like baked potatoes a lot here :D
So, before coming to 80 10 10 I was anorexic and depressed for the past 5 years.At my lowest weight I weighed 47 kilos being 1,76 tall.  I did therapy and took anti depressant, went to clinic. Today I weigh 66 kilos. And I made this change by myself believing in the goodness of this lifestyle and letting myself go. I'm very grateful for you guys. All of you, and Freelea and Harley of course! 
So far on this lifestyle I've been feeling good. I gained weight (highest 74 kilos), I felt stronger emotionally and mentally. I couldn't get rid of my IBS problem until today anyways. Kept an inflamed looking face and double chin. Never did banana island on the other hand..
My brittle hair stayed until today, however stopped falling out! I didn't used to have dry skin but now I have and some wrinkles too. I'm aged 23 and I don't want to share a photo for privacy reasons. But I look like I've had a lot of stress, aged a little too much for my age I guess.

I eat about 3500-4500 cals a day. Usually overt free. I run about 5 times a week for about an hour burning about 1000.  Mostly I eat cooked and have done since winter. For money reasons and because I like to binge on cooked ;). and I eat about 5 heads of lettuce a week.

I live by myself (bad idea) and went to uni. Have no friends and hardly any contact to people in uni. I've been like that most of my life. 
Still I've always felt quite confident and strong. Ashamed of my 80 10 10 lifestyle, my homosexual feelings I've been hiding mostly and my eating disorder in the past. But I did fine, didn't think I had a problem.

About 2 months ago I started developing serious social anxiety. Also became very depressed and even more isolated then I ever have been apart from talking to friends far away on the phone. Also I have a hard time staying a sleep, waking up eating more and sweating like hell. Drinking about 1,5 liters of water a night. and about 4-7 a day. I live in Germany.
I had a job working as a cashier and I started panicking as I was working. Basically I get overly concerned with what other people might be thinking about me and I can no longer concentrate, maintain a friendly manner, tearing my eyes wide open and want to leave the situation. I've never had this before as far as can remember.

I've always had a big problem with opening up towards other people. Big problems trusting others and have always been described as very sensitive and one takes things personally.

I love the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, but it's hard and gets impossible to apply that in reality.
It got real bad. I couldn't go out on the street without being afraid of what others think of me. Still have a very hard time paying in the supermarket. And dealing with telephone calls to strangers which I used to love doing in the past because I could practice being friendly and articulate.

I quite the job, quite uni, plan to move to my hometown where my family is in the next few days, have therapy set up there already, take anti depressants again which are especially for anxiety problems.

Assuming that there is a connection between the body and the psychological state... Is this problem one that can be solved with sleep water sugar? Could it be that I need more fat, maybe leaving 80 10 10?
Am I eating too much cooked?? not enough raw? 
Is it simply because I'm socially isolated? (Hell yes this has impact I know!)
Or is it because of something deep down in my history like my therapist says and it needs 5-10 years of therapy and medication too maybe?

I really don't know. And I'm thankful for all of your ideas and comments!!!!!! :)) I appreciate your help!

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Find mentors, coaches, people you trust. It sounds like you may have been missing positive/supportive role models, rather than just try to move on in life, seek out people who have good social skills/good family relationships/positive mentalities and confidence, and befriend them. Let them be your support and help you improve. Create a new "normal".

As long as you isolate yourself, you are keeping yourself weak. Even the strongest people realize that we can't do it alone. Its a long process, but a worthwhile process. Message me with questions if you like. I can give you more suggestions that you would most likely be willing or open to try, to help your social anxiety.

thank you for your reply!

My family is being very supportive. And I have 3 friends I've none for a long time and we speak on the phone every other day! that's lovely and brings my mood to a better level.
I agree that I must find people whom I can learn from, people who are strong and stable. That's a very good idea and I hadn't yet seen it as clear. And also I do have a therapist which has already been helpful in understanding that this anxiety is basically in my head. but in reality I still don't act normally again yet. but I believe that I will overcome this. 

And one thing I learned so clear now, I must live with other people! and I must force myself to talk to other people I meet for the first time as soon as soon as possible. 

I certainly hope this post doesn't seem too whiny!! I know myself that something needs and will change and then things will get better. 

thank you again for your reply!! :)


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