off topic...leaving a relationship with someone i still love

I broke up with my partner tonight.

It was horrible. I still love him, but it's not going to a place where I want it to go - now he HATES me. And I know he will continue to hate me....this kills me - I lost my best friend.

We just want such different things - we get along in so many ways but it's not enough to sustain it for me - please help me, I need support, I feel sick over this, I have never done this before. I'm 34 and NEVER done this! I feel terrible and awkward and like a horrible person - I just hurt the person I love in the worst possible way, and now he hates me.

I dunno what to do, I want to be sick, but I know nothing will change.

ugh.

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Permalink Reply by Sunshine on March 25, 2012 at 7:14am

umm NVC can help you, realizing each person is responsible for their own feelings and actions.

So you can't hurt him the hurt he may feel comes from an unmet need he has , that you share. But the cause result comes from what all life shares and there a multitudes of ways for individuals to meet these needs in ways that work for everybody. (like stopping killing of animals for food, as they too have needs for well being etc)

i am not one to give advise to break up with somebody as i never have either. but i just wanted to say that because you can realize or offer other strategies with a diversity of tactics that you can get your needs for integrity and aesthetics , compassion met as well as them. And not put yourself down but grow and move more inline with more holistic goals. It may even cause them to question why they made the choices they did that prevented you from wanting to continue to associate with them in the way you did. EARTHQUAKE

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Permalink Reply by Rawfruitygoddess on March 27, 2012 at 12:53pm

This is so upsetting for both of you.After years of marriage i left my husband,as i felt the same as you right now,it ripped out my heart,and i blocked it out and stayed away for 5 months.He wasn't vegan or even vegetarian,he was so supportive of me,but my rage and militant attitude over his not wanting to change just made it worse.Long story short i came back to him,and there were some changes made,i changed he changed.Change is possible.It was still 4 more years before he stopped eating meat and now the only thing he eatss not Vegan is cheese,and rarely now.He is into animal rights and the changes i see within him are beautiful.It hasn't been easy,but living with me hasn't been either with my past illnesses and stubborn nature.I'm not saying go back to him,i am simply sharing some of my story. Some people are worth giving your all to,especially if you love them with all your heart and soul and they're you best friend.Take care do what feels right for you :)