"Smiling :o)
Just bought myself a lot of Fresh Organic Medjool Dates - Price: US$6 per kilo :o)
Never got them cheaper here in Denmark."
Hello everyone!
I recently was offered an opportunity by a member here to go to Hawaii and work/live surrounded by organic produce and friendly people.
here is the link if anyone wants to check it out:
http://rawveganrunner.com/rich/HawaiiRawCommunity/Raw_Vegan_Communi...
Anyways, my mom hates the idea! It drives me insane! She can only focus on money and school and future and job and I think I'm going mad! I have tried my very best to please her my entire life.
I told her that everything I do is wrong and awful in her mind. She replied by saying, "No, not everything, when you played volleyball in high school I loved that! When you went to school, came home and did your homework and got good grades I loved that! I just don't like it when you want to do things that are different!"
She gets really frustrated with my diet and exercise, she can't stand the smell of my room because there are bananas and mangoes up the wazoo, and now this as well.
Apparently I'm only allowed to be a monotonous clone of every other standard American, going to college, getting a job, getting married, having a family, being successful . . .
WELL.
I want to go to Hawaii next summer. Is it that big of a deal?! I have the means to pay for it, I am 18, and I wish that my family would realize I am going to be DIFFERENT for the rest of my life. They should at least accept it, after all this is how it is going to be.
I even wrote her a lovely email which is attached if anyone would care to read it.
I don't even know the point of this discussion anymore. I guess I just needed to vent.
Tags: Hawaii, annoying, different, family, fruit, issues, letter, money, monotonous, mother, More…
Permalink Reply by Lala M. Apples on I think you should do what your heart tells you. You don't want to end up looking back and wishing you would have taken such an opportunity. As long as it is safe, and you are financially sound. Go for it! Trust me --- I know people who took one route in life because they were "supposed to" and some of them are okay, but others are miserable. Some people are free spirits, be true to yourself!
I can't help but think that she must be proud, maybe in a pushed back part of her mind, that you are so independant, caring and unique. I would be. You're 18, you can make this decision and seems like you really feel as though it's the right one.
I also believe that for some, following the straight and narrow is a survival method. For others it's like death. And those who are fit and fruity have an easier time living an 'unusual' life.
When I was 18 my parents forced me to go to college. I really didn't want to but I did. I wanted to take a year off, go in the Peace Corp or travel and they were horrified. I too always got good grades and behaved, at least to their knowledge. I ended up going down a really dark path and it took me years to get out. But now when I look back I realize that my Mom grew up in a large, poor Puerto Rican family in NYC. She was the first in her family ever to go to college. Different things have different meanings to different people.
Permalink Reply by Corrtney on I realize she only wants me to be successful and have the best possible life, and to her that means getting good grades in college and then getting a good job. The only thing is that I've been following the straight an narrow for survival nearly all my life. Now I am thriving and need to step out of those boundaries and actually live.
The other thing that really gets me is that this trip would only be 6 weeks. Its not like I'm moving there for the rest of my life and never coming back!
Thanks for your reply though :)
Oh I wasn't saying YOU would go down a dark path, sorry if that was implied. You sound lovely and I was really messed up! I guess I just meant there might be some other reason on her side that you're unaware of. But still you have communicated beautifully and sensibly to her, you've done your part. Time to do what you believe in.
Permalink Reply by Corrtney on That's fine! I wasn't worried about going down a dark path at school, I have a great bunch of friends there and I'm planning to finish out the next 3 years. I just want to go somewhere and do something with my summer!
Permalink Reply by fruitsandnumbers on I like the story of st. Francis, in which he runs away from his family to live among the poor. His parent are initially very ashamed of him. But then in their deathbeds, they become very proud of his achievements.
I think every great man has to go against his family and society at some point of his life, he has to face people's disapproval, only to be praised later by those who previously shunned him and now realize how wrong they were in their judgements.
Freud says that everyone must 'kill' his parent at some point in his life. Jesus also says something simillar. It seems there is truth to those statements.
>I don't even know the point of this discussion anymore.
I believe that you have posted this because you were feeling insecure about your decision and very upset that someone you love so much should be so upset. that is entirely natural. we all feel insecure when all the world seems to be against us and we have nothing but our own hearts to trust and folow. but I tell you this: you can rest assured that one day your mama will still be very proud of you. maybe she is even proud of you right now, she is just afraid to say so. people fear anything that is different, because it seems threatening to them. they would prefer to continue following their mediocre routines. you see how much people value their own security, but that is silly, for the methods they employ to garantee their security are faulty. you see, people just want to have control over everything, to be able to acuratelly predict everything that will happen. that's why your mama's so upset. things are not happening as she predicted. so she cannot tell what will happen.
but the point is that living that way takes away all grace of life, and leaves it bland and dull and monotonous as the stuff people are eating every day, leading mediocre lives. and so they can feel they have no obligation to help the animals and the people who are suffering every moment and living horrible lives, because they can say: "but my life is equaly horrible"...
to be different requires courage, require the courage to face people, to bother people, sometimes even to hurt people. to hurt, yes, even to hurt. but that's for the greater good, i think. for we can hurt not only by causing wounds but also by exposing them. but how can we treat a wound and prevent it from becoming putrid except by exposing it? it would be much more convenient to cover it with a cloth and let it putrefy. but we risk dying that way should it gangrene.
you remember Plato's cave myth, in which the philosopher, after having returned from the outside world to tell people that all they see inside the cave are but dim shadows of reality, is shunned by society for having said things that bothered them? and that is something we must be prepared for. we cannot expect everyone's approval all the time. at least not if we want to become free. not if we want to become ourselves.
i understand how you feel, for i feel the same way. this feeling of loneliness and being misunderstood is common to all those who have chosen to take their own paths instead of simply being slaves to the system and doing all the same things that everyone else does. but this is the price of immortality: for those are the only ones who will be remembered, for they are the ones whose lives really mattered.
we must be like the roses, who shine their beauty without expecting any recognition or anything in return. it's simply what they do. and in the same way we should do what we are meant to do, without worrying about the outcome, without trying to control the situation, or to please others.
The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.
In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
When you are content to be simply yourself
and don't compare or compete,
everybody will respect you.
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.
Lao-tzu
while writing this reply, i have just realized the meaning of a sentence that a mysterious voice has long ago whispered in my head: "what we do determines what we are". it is only through our actions that we manifest ourselves, and it is only through them that we can survive.
the roses also have thorns, with which they intend to defend themselves against the dangers of life, but roses are very naive, as they believe their thorns are terrible weapons! useless to try to defend ourselves against the tempest for we have not the weapons to do so. aggression will not result in anything. we must learn to live and to accept others as they are. and that includes accepting ourselves as what we are. we must have the courage to pursue our dreams. the birds were born to fly. we cannot keep them in a cage.
if you have the lock and know how to unlock the door, why don't you fly away to the far away islands where you want to go? you shouldn't worry that your care-taker will be upset. for he is not your owner. you are not his possession and you are free to do what you will and to do what you must. he must understand that there is a difference between taking care and making someone his prisoner. imprisoning a living soul in return of food and water and little care is no better than slavery. and it is the duty of he who is kept a slave to free himself from his bonds. for he is the only one who has the power to be, and let others become. as between the slave and the master, the only one who is still free is the slave. he must free his master, and not the opposite.
You are what you do.
If I don't want what you do, I don't want you.
If I don't need what you do, I don't need you.
Don't think you are running away from me. Please don't think you are leaving me.
The matter of the fact
IS THAT I LEFT YOU THE MOMENT I STOPPED ACCEPTING YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE!
So just walk away, don't run. Walk away to somewhere where you are needed. You are not some kind of fugitive criminal. You have done nothing wrong. You are just not accepted for what you are. It would be wrong, yes, if you would refuse to be.
GO! BE AND LET OTHERS BECOME!
IF I LEFT YOU, DON'T CONTINUE TO FOOL ME INTO THINKING THAT I DIDN'T!
If you wish to cover in rhyme
This life which is anguish and pain,
I tell, my friend, waste no time:
And know what is loss, what is gain.
Permalink Reply by fruitsandnumbers on and above all, always remember you are not alone! we are all at your side, ready to lift you shall the tempest knock you down.
Permalink Reply by Corrtney on Wow. Thank you.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.
This speaks volumes of my mother and myself.
I have new drive and new motivation to go through with this and actively shape my future. I never expected such a long reply and it means so much to me.
I have nothing more to say than you're right. Everything you've said here is true and now I need to claim my life.
Permalink Reply by KKG on There is a lot of venom in your letter. I know it must have felt incredible to get that all off of your chest but if you want her acceptance I am afraid she will just scoff and reject...
Try to find the real issue. Why does she reject your lifesytle? This is her issue. Something she has to overcome. Not yours. Try and remember that when dealing with her. I understand it's very frustrating; my mom was the same way. Lead by example! Leave but leave confidentaly and full of understanding and love. She will understand one day. I promise!
Good luck in Hawaii!
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MyDailyRaw replied to Jeanne Giguiere's discussion Need a little support...doctors recommend a C-Section in the group Peaceful Parenting
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