Hi! I'm new (:

Hi everyone!

I'm Alison, 31. I live between Syracuse NY and Boston MA (depending on work/school)

I've been kinda dippin my toe in this whole raw vegan/fruitarian bit and after failing miserably on a personal set goal of 30 days raw vegan (not LFRV), I got majorly depressed and started trying to pick up the pieces again.

Today I tried to start a 7 day LFRV and failed miserably when my boyfriend decided to lovingly order some food out.

My intake (before the cooked food) was 3 bananas and a litre of water. You see, I'm on a horrid weight/intake rollercoaster where even on St. Patty's day, the BF took me out for dinner and all I could manage to eat was a roll, some soup and a few veggies off my plate. Pretty much a child's serving. I just don't have the hunger for anything more than that, yet I am clinically obese (my BMI is a staggering 32.3) and I constantly beat myself up for eating, yet my cravings refuse to leave unless I fulfill them.

Even though my boyfriend wants me to succeed with at least getting to a 'normal' weight, I feel like he wouldn't be invested in LFRV and I really am in dire need for some kind of support system. I feel like my willpower is lacking horribly and I have nearly not enough control over what I crave (which is mostly texture based -- crackers, crusty bread, things like that) but in the same hand, I have next to no appetite for food because it disgusts me and when I eat, I disgust myself. I always make sure to have less than 1000 calories. Today my total intake was 980 cals and I feel absolutely disgusting.

My biggest goal is to feel better about myself, and not be in pain all the time (I have issues with my right knee and I have degenerative disc disease resulting from surgery in which I had 13 fused vertabrae) I want to get energy and I want to not have bouts of insomnia and acid reflux anymore.

I feel as though spring is nearly here, summer is around the corner and just for once, I would like to leave my house not feeling ashamed at what I look like and how I feel like a big round blob. I feel like everyone just stares at me and how I ought to be in a circus or something. It's really disturbing and I cry while I'm in the shower because I have to see myself completely naked.

Also, what I dont understand is how I barely look at food, and I can gain weight, whereas I have friends who are stick thin that can eat a cheeseburger, fries and a non-diet drink and won't gain an ounce. I think that's the part that kills me the most. Are some people predestined to be whales and just can't break the cycle? Cos that's me, completely.

Sorry I'm so all over the place here. I have so much on my mind, and I feel ashamed going to anyone else really. My boyfriend knows some of how I feel, and I really do try and tell him but I think he doesn't always understand cos he is the type to eat anything and not gain weight. Also, I have friends who are "concerned" that I want to delve into LFRV saying all sorts of things, and only have one friend who really supports me 100%. But again, she is under 100 lbs and teeny tiny, and is also the type who can eat pretty much anything without gaining an ounce. :/ Frustrating.

I hope I can meet some friends here, and at least be able to have someone to go to so I don't feel like I'm going so crazy all the time.

Thank you, I really appreciate being able to be accepted to 30 Bananas a Day and thank you for the opportunity to share how I feel with you all. I am truly grateful. <3

Love,

Alison

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Permalink Reply by Kaz on March 19, 2011 at 7:44pm

Hi Alison,

I'm Kaz from the UK and have just started LFRV. I'm from the UK and have no background in vegetarian food but had already stopped alcohol, coffee, tea, wheat, soda and dairy in search of better health over a period of around 4 years. Not completely for any of them except soda and coffee.

1st thing, stop stressing about 'failing' and stop trying to do LFRV all in one chunk if you have temptation about.

I got a few emails from a raw person who gave me advice that worked for me.

Eat the first meal of your day as fruit (ripe and sweet): I started off with a big mix, including apples, frozen fruit and not yet ripe bananas (in those days 1 banana was a lot of fruit for me) Eat your normal food for your other two meals. Do that for a week (or less if it goes well).

Next introduce a raw salad (with lots of greens) BEFORE your main meal, make it appealing to the eye.

After less than a week, replace lunch with big ripe fruit smoothie, I used bananas, apples and grapes, still have the salad in the evening and a 'normal' meal. Mine was just my cooked meat here whilst I was transistioning but your's may be different.

The next week add some fruit (maybe oranges) before your salad and transition meal.

Then build up your morning meal calories. I had managed to get my calories up to about 600 per smoothie by this point (about two litres of liquid including some water) I added baby spinach to about 1/4 of the mix (1 or 2 cups)

By this point, I was 1/ finding I had some decent ripe fruit sources 2/ was eating more calories 3/ eating WAY more bananas 3/ didn't want to eat much cooked food 4/ could wander around the supermarket and not be tempted even by chocolate, Easter eggs and hot food 5/ was snacking on fruit when I was bored or hungry.

In the beginning, it was hard for me to make 1000 calories a day but I recorded my eating on Nutridiary to convince myself that bananas and fruit and all the other stuff I ate were going to sustain me. Now, after 5 or 6 weeks I regularly consume about 800-1000 calories per morning and lunch meals (still mostly smoothies) and am pushing for 2500 in a day, 3000 WOW here we come.

I have a similar issue to you, was hardly eating anything 'bad' for me yet still putting on weight.

Cravings, none to speak of just a weird yearning for KFC and pizza which weren't normally part of my diet.

Start slow and just keep doing something raw each day, then you will never have failed!!

BTW I have lost 9lbs already (about 70 to go)

Good luck, Alison

Kaz

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Permalink Reply by Apollonia on March 19, 2011 at 10:52pm

Hello miss Wonderland! :)

First of all, welcome... you came to the right place to gain back your health!

What I advice is doing some good reading around the boards, especially about being new to the 811 lifestyle, it is not just the diet, it has to do with how you move, sleep, take care of yourself... I suggest looking into this group; http://www.30bananasaday.com/group/undereatingonfruitwillnotkeepmeraw the title pretty much says it ;)

You mentioned you try to eat 1000 calories a day and at 900-something you felt disgusting. To succeed at the low fat raw vegan lifestyle, you must make calories your friend. Some people say that all calories are equal, but we know this is not true, when you eat a high fruit (carb) vegan lifestyle, one of the most important things is that you get ENOUGH calories in you, for your body to work adequately, your brain to function as it should, for you to get into exercising, for you to (yes) lose weight! Hence the "did you get your 3000 calories today" motto at this site!

3000 calories of SAD diet = fat, sluggish, ill people.

3000 calories of low fat raw vegan? ... well, look around this board for the answer! :D

Durianrider and Freelee (the creators of this site) are much better at putting these things into words than I am, so please look out for their many writings of advice around this site.

Good luck on your journey Alison, we're here to support you :)

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Permalink Reply by Michelle Simpson on March 21, 2011 at 3:45am

Alison

I am in the same place as you... and new here.

I am over my ideal weight, I can't seem to shift it either, I train (well teach) a fair amount - 9 hrs a week.

I want to clean up, feel energised and shed the fat!!

I probably dont eat enough either, although I know better! You need to eat to lose weight! But I don't take my own advice very well at all...

Kaz's method sounds great and I think I'll follow that to bridge the gaps and get myself where I want to be as I have been awful this weekend (eaten 2 choc bars and cooked meals as I am soooo cold!!)

I wish you the best in your journey :o)

Michelle x