HELP - Raw moms!

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Permalink Reply by fruitbatanne on May 3, 2009 at 7:39am

Dear Nicky ♥,
congratulations on your pregnancy.

I have had two children, without using any pain relief or drugs.

What I found really helped me was breath control during the contractions.
I would focus on something with segments (about 6 or 8 worked for me), for example a light shade. Then when a contraction came on, I would do a deep breath, release the breath; move to the next segment, take a deep breath, release; move to the next segment and so on... and then when I had completed all the segments, the contraction would be over.

I think we have a lot of power with controlled breathing.

Massage, by somebody with warm hands also helped me with labor. During my last birth, the midwife had the most beautifully warm hands.

Birth is the great unknown, especially for your first birth, so it can all seem a bit scary. However, in my experience, it is also the most amazing thing, totally beautiful and very special.
If you have had a good pregnancy and your body is in good shape you are really well-prepared to welcome your wee one into the world. Give yourself positive affirmations that your body is getting itself ready and is going to do the best job it can.
Visualise your body being strong and powerful.


Also, I don't know what the situation is where you live, but most hospitals routinely injected new born babies with Vitamin K.
If you don't want this you have to let them know, otherwise they will inject your baby.
It might be worth having your birthing partner look out for this, if you don't want the injection, as after giving birth you may be too full of everything to be aware of injection issues.

Best wishes with your birth experience ♥
Love and Peaches,
from Anne XX

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Permalink Reply by Danny Seltzer on May 3, 2009 at 8:12am

Congrats Nicky! Wishing your baby total health!

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Permalink Reply by MezzoPiana on May 3, 2009 at 9:34am

Hi Nicky,

The absolute BEST advice I can think of is to tell you that knowledge is power. Firstly, I strongly recommend a book called Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (I think). Secondly, google "unassisted birth". I'm not necessarily advocating that you give it a go, but the information you will find is worth more than I can say. Most importantly to realise, your body DOES NOT NEED HELP to give birth and the only person delivering your baby is you. In fact, your body does the work for you. You don't need to think about how to do it, you just need to follow its lead. Your wonderful body, that grew your perfect baby from two tiny cells, knows how to get it out of there too. All you need to do is relax and follow your own impulses. If you want to be in the bath, do it. If you're more comfortable on your knees, do that. If you want a massage, ask for it. If you can't bear to be touched, say so. If you need complete silence to concentrate, don't let them talk.

I wish I'd known more before my first two births, which I found very traumatic (hospital, felt out of control, bullied, invaded, excruciating agony and ended up with epidurals both times. In fact the second time was so awful I didn't even get to give consent to the epidural since I was practically passed out from pain, they just had to do it - not that I could or would have complained). For my third I wanted things different but given my birth history didn't believe it was possible (I actually thought I was a special case, and that I experienced more birthing pain than other women), until a friend lent me the Ina May book. It's utterly illuminating. I did plenty of other reading too, felt "empowered" (though I hate that word!) and we actually delivered our third son completely by ourselves, at home, no midwife. It was entirely body-led: I acted on impulses, and I worked and breathed with the contractions instead of shrinking away from them. I made sure I was taking DEEP breaths, I kept all my muscles as relaxed as possible, instead of constricted and tense, and visualised each contraction opening the cervix wider for the baby's head to fit through. I knew what was happening, what position would help, when the baby was descending, when to push (you can't help it, your body does it for you), etc. I spent most of my labour in the bath, but when I knew the baby was coming out I got onto all fours on the bathroom floor, and my husband took the baby as he came out. It was totally perfect and I had a number of realisations about birth that now seem very obvious:

#1. It is bizarre in the extreme that anyone would say "OK, you're 10 centimetres: now you can push"???!!! What is that about? Believe me, the urge to push happens anyway, and my money is on the body knowing the optimal time, not the midwife. Same with all the other dilation examining - unless labour is taking much longer than expected you simply don't need to know how many centimetres dilated you are. My theory is that it makes the midwives feel important and gives them something to do since the vast majority of deliveries would otherwise need no assistance whatsoever.

#2. The thing that made the contraction pain absolutely unbearable for me (and I do NOT use that term lightly!!) with my first two labours was being talked to and interfered with and touched and examined and moved around and transferred to different rooms and asked questions and given suggestions. I know this because I recognised the pain: it was identical to the last times, no different at all and no less intense. So it was not that I had an "easier" labour in that the pain was less, it was purely that I was being left alone to deal with and concentrate on the pain and not have to think about what else was going on. And in the third labour, the most painful contractions were the ones during which I was distracted by something external. You need to focus inwards.

Bottom line: I now believe that in a normal delivery, midwives are not only unnecessary but can be distinctly unhelpful. The best midwife will do and say absolutely NOTHING unless you ask them to.
Like my fabulous husband did (he must have been bored stiff!). Anyway, I felt so amazing afterwards and still do. There was no baby-blues, either. It sounds stupid but i DO feel it healed the hurt that the first two births caused me.

Sorry this was so long, it's something I'm passionate about... ;-)

I wish you all the best!

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Permalink Reply by MezzoPiana on May 3, 2009 at 5:54pm

LoL! Well, I find that it's one of those words that has ended up being somewhat overused and a bit of a cliche word, that's all. With my "mainstream" friends, for example, I'm not sure I'd be able to use it in conversation without coming across to them like the hippy free spirit feminist I am trying NOT to come across as! It best describes what I meant though. "Strengthened" would do fine though, actually...

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Permalink Reply by Laurie on May 3, 2009 at 12:18pm

What do you guys think about positioning during labor/delivery? I am clueless and not a parent, but my sis is pregnant and we were talking (she is having a midwife and doula and trying to do all natural) about it. It just dawned on me how ridiculous it seems to be lying more on your back and trying to push (she agreed). I mean, when you're trying to get something out of you/have a bowel movement, you don't lie on your back! That seems really fundamental. Do they still typically do it that way in hospitals? I know you're not totally on your back, but what I've seen doesn't seem like the optimal position. ??

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Permalink Reply by MezzoPiana on May 3, 2009 at 6:15pm

Again, though, I would still say the mother has the final word. Yes, probably in most cases the back is not the most optimal position, and as Michele says is for the benefit of the people attending, but even then if that's how the mother felt the most comfortable then I would strongly discourage anyone trying to persuade her to move! She really knows best if she is allowed to follow her impulses. It depends on too many different variables for anyone externally to prescribe what's best - even the mother won't know what she wants ahead of time, since it may change hour to hour and minute to minute. What is the "best position" to lie/kneel/squat will depend on the stage of labour, where she feels labour pains, size and shape of the pelvis and position of the cervix and vagina in relation to it, and the size and shape and position of the baby's head and shoulders, which obviously no-one outside can know with any precision.

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Permalink Reply by Nicky on May 4, 2009 at 7:46am

Hi Kelly,
Thanks for sharing.
I am quite worried about being without food for long periods. I'm tiny and my blood pressure tends to be on the lower side. Did you feel no desire to eat / drink during labor?
I'm planning on bringing dates, dried fruit & fruit and young coconut water with me.
I was at my doc a few hours ago and he said that although I've still got a month to go, baby's fully developed and weighs over 2.5 kilos, so she could pop out any time from now. yikes :-s

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Permalink Reply by Nicky on May 4, 2009 at 8:35am

Thank you all for sharing and for your advice!!!

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Permalink Reply by rebeccaj on May 4, 2009 at 8:56am

I don't know any details, but an interesting tidbit - I was just talking with someone who's friend delivered a 12-pound baby at home yesterday! 12 pounds! both mom and daughter are doing beautifully.

and whenever I think about labor and delivery, I always think about my cat, who delivered 8 kittens by herself, no assistance. she knew exactly where to go (the shelf in the linen closet we prepared by mutual consent, using the stepladder I put there to help her up), when to go there (although she lost one little one in the jump), and exactly what to do. I woke up at 3am to the sound of newborn kitten mews, and went to peek at the babies. Mama kitty was on her side, as relaxed looking as if she was taking a nap in the sun. when the next baby would come, her body would tense slightly, and then the kitten would slip out. she then cleaned off the placenta, and lay back down again to relax and wait for the next wave. it was fascinating. she was silent, purring, and only that she was breathing rapidly would indicate that there was anything going on. I kept thinking "wow, if she can do that, why can't people? what has happened to people that we don't know how to give birth any more?" I think we can, we just have to remove the interference.

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Permalink Reply by Nicky on May 4, 2009 at 9:04am

Beautiful :-)

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Permalink Reply by MezzoPiana on May 4, 2009 at 10:22am

Nicky,

Most women (again, go by your impulses though!) do not feel like eating, many will vomit during labour as if the body is saying "I've enough to do right now without having to digest all this as well". Makes sense as far as natural hygiene is concerned, anyway!

The other thing, REALLY do not set any store by how big/small the doc says the baby is. This one is notorious for being got wrong - nearly everyone I know seems to have one of these stories. One friend delivered an 11.5-pounder(!) after the midwife had said her bump was "all fluid" and an average baby (he was also born at home by the way, labour was very fast, and she didn't tear), I was told my baby was "quite a bit bigger than average" and he only just hit 7 pounds (and loads of amniotic fluid!), still others are given actual probable weights, like you were, and they all seem to be way off. My sister just had a 6.5 pound baby at 40 weeks, when they told her at 38 weeks that the baby was already average-sized then (7.5lbs) for a 40-week-plus baby. One friend even had her second caesarian, though she was planning a VBAC, because they scared her off with talk of "another big baby" of at least 9.5lbs, and he barely made 7.5lbs. She happens to be a very pragmatic unemotional soul, at least on the surface, but she did admit to me that she felt a bit cheated!

Love the cat story rebeccaj, how lovely that you got to see it. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Birth needs to take place when the mother is calm, at ease, and above all in a place where she feels safe. For some women, the place they feel safe IS a hospital, and they are therefore likely to have a very positive birth experience there.

Nicky, all the best anyway and do let us know won't you.

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Permalink Reply by ednshell on May 4, 2009 at 2:29pm

Unnassisted home birth is the safest most satisfying way to go!!! You're so close, but reconsidering a hospital birth will save your baby from numerous risks including mandatory vaccinations if you're in the U.S. Please go get, John Robbins book, 'Reclaiming Our Health,' for statistics on home birth vs. hospital birth. It's normal and healthy to be nervous about the birth, it means you are going to be a great Mom! :) Giving birth is wonderful! Interference of those that think they are responsible for your birth is not helpful. I had one hospital birth, 2 home and 1 unassisted. IF you have pain during labor, taking lots of deep breaths in a row will give you a natural high on top of the natural high you will already have. Hope this helps you. Best Wishes!!! :)

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