Getting out of the closet with emotional eating and eating disorder

Hello beautiful Vegan !

Tonight I am getting out of the closet, it is the first time I am able to go kind of public about this and I definitely think the change is due both to my own  emotional work on my emotions and the effects of the fruit eating.

This is what I would like to share with you, I know some of you have been through similar journeys and I am confident it is safe and friendly here for me to tell my story. Thank you all for being here and sharing the loving spirit of this lifestyle.

So this is the truth : my relationship with food is abusive. To make it easy to understand it is on the pattern of addiction, I could easily attend a meeting from the Overeaters Anonymous, I would be like anyone else there.

The overeating started as a baby. I was not consciously overeating of course but my sister was having child anorexia. It left my mum with a trauma. When I was born I was a normal baby, eating what I was given. It became some kind of a game in my family. They didn;t have to run around the backyard to try to feed my sister a quarter of a teaspoon, they had a big cheeky baby swallowing everything they were stuffing into his mouth.
My aunt would feed me a second lunch after my mum did just because she could and I would eat.

To add to the landscape, my dad is an alcoholic and my mum became co dependent from his addiction. We got raised in the violence of the alcohol, my mum uses food as am emotional eater and so I got into the pattern.

Very early in my life I got abused, sexually, at an age where I couldn't stop it. Later I kept seeing men genital parts when I shouldn't have.
By the age of 5 I was obese already and all my life I kept using food as a friend, a way to numb the pain and the emotions and also as long as I was fat no one would give me unwanted sexual attention.

Even if I suffered a lot from the weight I kept in because deep within my mind and body felt it was the only way to protect me from more
raping.

Later in my life I have never been able to deal completely with the issue of the eating. I found a therapist that helped me break free from the memory of the rape but it took long years to get better and feel better.

There is a deep pattern within me that gets me straight to food each time I suffer.

From all my research I came to the conclusion that the dieting deepened the eating disorder and made it a lot worse than what it was when I started dieting as a teenager. I dieted for 21 years. I slowly but surely destroyed my body and my mind to the point of sickness that stopped me.

I am so happy and grateful the journey led me here because I think there is an answer for me here, with this lifestyle and it is the first time I am given the opportunity to :

- express my love for nature

- eat enough each day

- be kind to me body and my soul

- get to feed my brain with what it needs everyday

- get the energy to exercise

- get to put inside my body food that loves me and will not hurt my health

- be myself without being labelled a weirdo and rejected because I am different.

Thank you !

Gorgeous