The facts about spanking:
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Thanks for taking the time to type this, Lilie.
I have a 9 yr old and we're very close now, but I contemplate the teen years with a mixture of excitement and concern. I know that part of her growing independence will mean putting some distance between us, and not always gently :)... completely age appropriate and neccessary.
Still I want her to feel she can come to us and feel loved and cherished and understood. You sound as though you have this with your mother.
And what a strong person your Mom must be to have been able to see past the way she was raised and ackowledge that just because her parents hit her didn't mean it was right, and then have the courage and lack of ego to make real and important changes. Lucky you.
All parents make mistakes, for sure, it's just so important not to get stuck in dogma and patterns and to stop, see the small person in front of you. Not the person you want her to be, or think she should be but who she actually is, and then act thoughtfully.
Also, Lilie, I want to add how great it is that you're generously allowing your Mom to rethink and recalibrate her parenting approach, without undue resentment and bitterness. That take a lot of maturity and compassion.
we live in a rough place its up to each of us to be kinder to every living being and this INCLUDES ourselves.
fortunately we are an evolving species .
kindness is the way to personal happiness and beyond
Despite the points of this vid and it saying that my opinion is more or less invalid, I personally benefited from mild abuse as a kid, as I never repeated the actions that caused me to get abused in the first place. My 30 year old brother was abused a lot and still brings it up to this day. I think one of the reasons he used drugs so often and for so long was to cope with it. Some benefit and learn quickly, some get damaged. Not worth the risk IMO.
I think taking away freedom (grounding, time-outs) or a punishment directly linked to the crime (cleaning up spilled (banana) milk or a messy room) is more effective in that it creates a consequence (or better yet, a solution) without the physical abuse and potential emotional trauma. Like the vid implies, consequences in adulthood don't inflict physical pain (i.e. getting a ticket for speeding), so why should they in children? It's interesting, because these adult consequences are more relateable to losing something (freedom, money, etc.) than giving abuse. Like, if you slack at work, you can lose your job. If you drive drunk or wreckless, you don't get taken over the knee lol, you lose your freedom to drive. It's just smarter.
Stefan Moiyneux is a bit of a mixed bag. Ridiculous libertarian politics..but yeah, sure, I'm up for not whacking children.
Spanking does not make a better behaved child. Also, hitting your dog doesn't work either. Though I will tell you my dog was easier to train. ;)
I'll never understand how one can imagine that they are "teaching" their child, their small child, something useful by resorting to violence and humiliation.
Just by reading the title I felt an "aggression surge" into me.... No I never was spanked on a daily basis, maybe it happened 3 or 4 times but DEFINITIVELY it was not a good experience and did not teach me anything! all it did was traumatizing me and left me with anger. Spanking is never an option...
Just by reading the title I felt an "aggression surge" into me
It's illegal to smack or use any kind of physcial discipline here in NZ. you can get put into jail for even flicking your kids ear.
I guess I'll step up (and probably make a few people mad) here and say I have no problem with the idea of spanking children, so long as they're not being harmed. Overliberalism and PC-correctness everywhere has made us not only into a litigious society but a society of glass. The real world can be a harsh place, like it or not, and to deny that to children is, in my opinion, a disservice.
Why does the world have to be a harsh place? If we all said the abuse stops with me, then it will stop, and that is my motto.
What would you do if you went to your local market, and someone slapped your face? How would that make you feel?
What would you do if you saw a stranger in the street beating another stranger? Would you try to help the victim? Call the police?
What is different between a child and a random adult?
And for some of us, it is not about being PC and all that, it is about basic rights. How can we stand for animal rights, and put people in jail for beating a dog, and not for beating a child?
Does the child not feel pain or bleed too?
I think you missed my point, where I said "so long as they're not being harmed". Hopefully you can see from my post that spanking is not the same thing as beating. Yes it's unfortunate that it goes too far, but in those situations, you can bet that there were other things going on as well (eg someone beat a child because he was going to beat a child, not because spanking was condoned).
Sure, we wish the world wasn't a harsh place, but to deny that to your children is truly a disservice. Throw them into the real world and they'll be eaten by the "sharks". I went to college with a few "bubble children". I'm afraid they still haven't figured out how to interact with society effectively.
An adult in charge of the discipline of a child has the right to apply disciplinary action such as spanking, whereas a stranger in a grocery store does not have that authority. The analogy doesn't really work :P
I stand with what I said originally.