could I be needing 4000 cals even though I do not work out?

Hi guys,

some of you might now my past, some not. I have had a hard time sticking to 811, but in that time I have learned so much about myself and my mechanisms.
I have been able to stick for 4-7 days then binging hard on really bad- high fat and even dairy sometimes. Even though I ate around 3000 a day.

Now it seems that the emotional reason behind it, is much more controlled since I am aware of the patterns. But then, I started experimenting, thinking that I do not need that many calories because then I would gain (you would think I would know better after almost a year, but apparatnly not). So for about one month I have averidged around 2000 cals a day I think with some potatoes and a bit of  vegan dishes sometimes. I have probably eaten a vegan dish 3-4 times in that month. And I have been able to control the pattern of the old binging habbits. Until yesterday. I felt so drained, lethargic and depressed and I had massive cravings for high fat cooked food. so I feel in and now the cravings are just so intense.

I stopped doing any hard exersize to give my body a rest, what I have been doing is 1 hour astanga yoga 4-5 times a week and a bit of biking, maybe 10 k a week, so not much. Eventually I would love to start running or doing high aerobics also, but I do not want to force myself to do it. I would like to feel like doing it one day.

But I am thinking that maybe even 3000 cals isn't even enough. I weigh around 75 kg, so 75*10=750 gr of carb * 4 = 3000 cals in carb without exersize, so if I move, even more.

So maybe I would be safest going for 4000 a day? I almost only eat bananas and dates, a bit of frozen blueberries ang spinach, sometimes mangoes. Everything organic except mangoes and blueberry.

I am just done with this, I can feel how I harm my body with the cooked foods. I want to break free of this selfdestructive habbit and I want to be free and finally be me, which 811 allows me to.

I deep down off course know what would be best, I have a long time known that I felt my best on 4000 cals, but somehow I never seemed to reach it. It is like I have some mental barrier to reach those calories, I never seem to do it. And on days where I supposedly should have eaten 3500 I always leave something of my fruitmeals and throw it out. It is like I am cheating myself to believe I ate it, but I really didn't. And I really need people to tell me, I just need some support.

I am not desperate and I truly love this lifestyle and this forum. Once again I just need some of the loving support from people in here. I am sorry that you mostly see post like this from me, since this is not really me. I look forward to the day where the true Cecilie finally can break free. One day I will hopefully look back at this and think "wow so much I learned, it is so nice to be on the other site". The true Cecilie is so peacefull, loving and in connection with life, nature and beauty in a unexplainable way and I really want her to stay with me :)

I know I probably have been repeating myself in some old post and I am so sorry, but I am person that needs to be told 1000 times. So thank you for reading my post and once again having patience with me.