I am contemplating suicide because I dry fasted for 9 days to cure my bipolar disorder and shizophrenia.
And now I don't appear "normal" to people since I have no friends and walk alone everyone here in mangalagiri, andhra pradesh, india.
I have reached the end of the road. I was about to go to Egypt tomrrow to Luxor to see the Pyramids with the Pyramid Spiritual Society of India and at first they said I could go since because of my KUNDALINI AWAKENING the Ascended Masters could help me.
But then they called back 10 minutes later and told me not to come even though my Dad spent a lot of money on this trip of a lifetime.
Now I have no friends because I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, although I do drink liquid chlorophyll with water which enabled me to walk 18 miles a few days ago.
Anyways, my last message to society and this world on my facebook is http://www.facebook.com/djsiva
All I wanted to do in this life was be dj $iva and my Dad would not let me.
So I will just post on there and hope that maybe one of you can convince me not to commit suicide and be a friend to me.
If I don't commit suicide, I am going to move to Morocco and be a gypsy.
... I am so confused right now.
Reading through some of Siva's previous posts and comparing them to his wonderful profile biography, it seems he has had episodes before right on this very site. Long-winded posts about not doing it are not going to help. We can only hope that he has decided to seek help or to at least eat some fruit. If he was very willing to publicly post this here, I assume we are not the only ones he has told and hopefully someone much closer was able to help.
9 days isn't anything. I don't care what diet you are doing, you can't cure a long-term mental/physical illness in 9 days. I don't care if you only eat 100 bananas a day for 9 days. It isn't going to just go away so quick. We spent so much time messing ourselves up, why would it take 9 days to fix? If you are even checking back on these posts, EAT SOME FREAKIN' FRUIT ALREADY
Perhaps, you should move. If your situation is constraining then GET OUT of the situation. The world is full of some duchebags (stop surrounding yourself with thos people) and with some AMAZING PEOPLE! Be a nomad free of any constraints. Get a passion that drives you hard and go for it. Sometimes you have to do other things (work) in order to do what you love (DJ).
We make our own choices. No one can live your life but you!... MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!... You've got the time. Find your heart!
It's interesting that people with schizophrenia tend to have low seretonin and high adrenaline, the same things in which make wild animals wild. Also read so much that bi-polar is a result of low testosterone.
I guess a bad diet and unhealthy gut can seriously contribute to seretonin problems, and hormonal ones.
Wild animals actually switch some genes over the generations bred living with humans and become really friendly like dogs, all kinds :) Just an interesting fact. Also all so-called carnivores if fed and raised on vegetables grow to be stronger, live longer and are calm and friendly. More docile - not in a zombie way. In fact many zoo 'carnivores' are fed in this way because it is easier to keep them.
But yeah I wished I was dead for so many years. But never wanted to kill myself as if your life sucks already, why would you want to add more bad to it by putting yourself through that process of dying. Even worse, you could fail and end up in a wheel chair. The causes of our problems generally are not the fact that we are alive, often we lack something; a hole that can't be filled. Or sometimes it's just being crapped on by other people for no good reason.
wait, what what? bipolar is a result of low testosterone? please say more. my boyfriend is bipolar and has barely any sex drive.
I also put together that since he doesn't eat much it might be why he has a low sex drive HMMM.
hey guys and to all the beautiful ladies right now it is 2:53 am. i finally got 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep and then ihad a bowel movement and it was burning. i used to suffer from constipation since i was a junior at cornell university in ithaca new yorkafter i used to eat 150 to 300 grams worth of whey protein shakes since I wanted large muscles to compensate for the perceived racism against indians. i thought big muscles would give me strength after 9/11 which was really about saddam hussein's secret egyptian knowledge of the giza pyramids anyways i digress.
i really respect harley and freelee. harley is a great guy and has a lot of kundalini energy himself to be able to cycle by himself for hours and hours. this means he is an advanced meditator.
but he is not a yogi. i have been blessed and seen and met himalayan sun yogi who did not eat or drink anything for 12 years.
i am a true believer.
so i dry fasted and it did cure my bipolar and i experienced enlightenment which i wrote on my djsiva blog.
see none of you could help michael arnstein another great yogi when he talked about the loss of his sex drive, not even dr. douglas graham.
but dj $iva, the greatest genius on the face of this earth at this current moment of 2:58 AM Indian Standard Time has figured out the riddle.
The answer is that his kundalini energy has all went from the earth or base chakra to entirely in the head.
This is why even though he psychologically wants the six pack abs which is a sex symbol, he could not understand why he didn't want sex anymore.
This is the secret to sex transmutation that Napoleon Hill and Mahatma Gandhi were talking about.
But you must integrate back into the earth chakra and the way you do this is through YOGA.
I am not talking about yoga asanas. I am talking about intuitively derived yoga, running, stretching, karate, dance, etc.
I wrote about all this on my blog.
Anyways I am doing DJ Meditation right now where I just listen to music all night long.
I could write more if any of you want to know more just PM me on Facebook.
My SKYPE is sivamalladi, but right now if I talk the neighbors will literally call the police.
This is why I am under house arrest.
I cracked the code to the Illuminati you guys don't seem to understand.
IF YOU WANT TO BE A FRUITARIAN, THEN YOU MUST MUST MUST EAT THE WHOLE FRUIT INCLUDING THE ORANGE PEEL WHICH CONTAINS A RARE VITAMIN NOT YET ISOLATED BY THE ALLOPATHIC MEDICINE FERTILITY CULT WORSHIPPING OSIRIS.
HARLEY PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS. I AM WILLING TO PAY PEOPLE MONEY TO LIVE OFF OF LIQUID CHLOROPHYLL, ALKALINE WATER, AND ORANGES EATEN RAW WITH THE PEEL AND EVERYTHING.
Anyways, I am just writing off the cuff here so sorry if I offended anyone.
I am listening to Yung Berg 2 Many right now over and over again. It is my own version of Transcendental Meditation.
OK, I am relieved you are alive and doing ok. Thanks for updating us:D)
If you want to get fit, go for it. But do not worry about living up to some tv picture of male models who are either too skinny and not healthy, or pumped up on fat and steroids.
Just be yourself and what is healthy for you in your body.
Do not worry about your sex drive even if it does lower. That is another thing overhyped in the media and on the streets. One is not a real man or a real woman until they do fill in the blank...its all bs.
Humans are the only species on earth who do not know what food they are supposed to eat, and how to eat it.
They are also the only species who do not know how to procreate. Procreation is about having children. It is a tool. If you have a receptive female partner, then yes, use the tool. But ones identity should not revolve around their sex drive.
In nature, many animals only reproduce about once or twice a year. Although males are always ready, they cannot do anything unless they have a receptive female and or a female in heat. Most animals behave more civilly than humans.
Society might be putting you under house arrest because they do not understand you. You march to the beat of a different drummer, and who knows, you might be right. But that scares them.
But stay strong. You will pull through this. And you are not the only one to be persecuted for being different and having differing thoughts and points of view.
this is heartbreaking to read.
i was at an extreme low like you once, i was able to pull myself out by my love for dance.
fasting sounds like it wasnt the best thing for you, sleep sugar water.
we're all here trying to get through life, you have to find the meaning and what makes you happy.
with love <3