I ate cooked this weekend. Many of you read my post about going to the sushi restaurant with my family this past weekend. I ended up ordering vegetarian sushi which isnt such a big deal, I know. I ended up eating cooked the rest of the weekend and my family managed to convince me to go back to eating cooked. The problem is that now I am very confused. I keep going back and forth between wanting to go back to cooked vegan or stay raw. I'm frustrated and angry because I was doing so well until my mom saw me eating my 10 banana breakfast and flipped a s***. She proceeded to give me a lecture about how awful that is and how I'm going to get fat. Whats upsetting about that is that I have suffered from anorexia before so for my mother to tell me that I'm going to gain weight is just unfair. This has scared me off from this lifestyle even though I know many do this without gaining weight. I dont know why its affecting me so much but I cant seem to shake it. This morning I'm all over the place. I had 2 bananas, 2 dates, 3 mangoes and a pineapple. Usually I mono but I cant seem to figure out what i want to do. I really need support now more than ever. It is so difficult to get by on 80/10/10 around people who are not. I just dont know what to do now.
My mom always encouraged me to eat but she always talked about how its not good to eat too much at once. She never called me fat or said that I need to lose weight. When I was anorexic she was very worried and really wanted me to eat more. I've never really understood why I had an eating disorder (my sis did too) because our parents never cut calories or been on diets. My sister had binge disorder and would gain a lot of weight and lose it, gain, lose, etc. My parents would spend hours talking to her about her issues and sometimes would tell her that she needs to lose weight. Watching this I think freaked me out. I was afraid of hearing my parents tell me that I needed to lose weight. Its weird because they've always encouraged me to eat like a "normal person", whatever that means
Agreed. Very controlling. And took a cheap shot at a recovering anorexic by threatening her with weight gain! That is screwed up. Her mom is more concerned with her doing what she wants than her being healthy.
I knew my family wouldnt accept this. I was totally prepared for that and I even mentally prepared myself for it by reminding myself that I had to stay strong and confident because that really is the only way that they will let go of their negative opinions. The fact that I listened to her made her even more adamant about it and I'm sure she will find it even more difficult to accept after that. Its great to hear that the people in your life understand and accept you. I know my family will too. The hard thing is just getting past the beginning stages.
Give yourself permission to be the boss of your life and your body :) Say it in the mirror everyday a few times and tell yourself how awesome you are! Because you are totally awesome and very beautiful.
I feel bad for you reading this. First, your mom is misinformed. But it happens, even doctors have no clue about nutrition. Given that you have an eating disorder, I feel that your mother has her own issues. It doesn't make sense to harp on someone that was anorexic about gaining weight. Why would she hit you below the belt like that? It's a cheap shot. And the fact that your sister also has an eating problem makes me wonder if your parents are very controlling and are a huge reason for this trend in your family. If this is true, give yourself some time and let them know this is your life and your decision. You can to eat the way you want and tell everyone to F' off.